All five boroughs in our great city are outstanding in their own ways—there’s the music of the Bronx, the style of Brooklyn, the art of Manhattan, the far-reaching food choices of Queens and the green space of Staten Island, just to name a few beloved features. And, naturally, the borough each of us calls home is usually our favorite. But if you’re one of those people who absolutely refuses to leave your borough under any circumstances, let me tell you: You’re a small-minded jerk. And you probably live in Manhattan.
Oh, don’t give me that false outrage. Some of you know damn well that all you do on the weekend is venture to your preferred bar, park or restaurant that’s within four blocks of your apartment, yet you make up endless excuses not to come to friends’ birthday parties or park potlucks or indie plays in other boroughs. You suck. Yes, the trains run even more infrequently on the weekend, and we all deserve down time. But if you just decided one day to never travel outside your ’hood because you’re lazy and think you’re above the four other boroughs and the millions of people who live in them, then we’re all tired of your shit. Why live in the culture capital of the world if you aren’t going to experience every last inch of it? If you’re so worldly, why haven’t you made it to Flushing even once? Instead of crossing off neighborhood brunch spots, you should play Borough Bingo this year and visit them all.
Sure, I might be a little bitter that I have to leave my sleepy Brooklyn neighborhood to trek to work in Times Square, Hunger Games–style, five days a week. But if I have to do that, you can take the train (or bike, or ferry, or Uber) across the bridge now and then. Let’s all agree to leave our borough hubris behind in 2018.