I need to buy groceries. But should I buy them at Trader Joe’s near work and wait in line for 5 hours or go to the Asian bodega and overpay for a bag of gai-lan and some bulgogi meat? Yeah, probably the bodega.
Why do watermelons get so big? I’m sure a fetus-sized watermelon would be just as effective at… doing what watermelons do.
Brad Leone is so funny. How is he so funny just doing the things he does? Why are so many people so unfunny, like Ed from IT who can’t take a small joke about a ethernet cord?
SHIT I forgot rent today. Maybe I can get home early from work and slip my check under the door. Or I could just give it all up and live on a sailboat on the Hudson. Do people do that? Cue a ten-minute deep dive into boat ownership costs in New York culminating in the discovery that most boats don’t have showers.
Where do New Yorkers get their style? I need to stop buying my entire wardrobe from UNIQLO. But UNIQLO is so good to me. I love UNIQLO and UNIQLO loves me.
The guy across from me has the coolest kurta I have ever seen and I am so going to buy that when I get home. But would that be cultural appropriation? Man, he looks so good I would totally appropriate that.
Where do people of other ethnicities buy their clothing? Is there a Daal-Mart? Or possibly H&Muumuu? Maybe I can be a cheapo at the qipao store.
You can totally tell the average income level of a neighborhood by how many white people get on the subway at each stop. I should chart this data and I totally bet the correlation would be above 0.80.
Damn, someone should do something about that. I guess just because schools are integrated doesn’t mean neighborhood are going to integrate.
Should neighborhoods even be integrated? I mean, clearly that would just lead to more gentrification as white people discover Harlem isn’t even that dangerous. Wow, Harlem’s status as an “zone of perceived danger” is totally like sickle cell trait: it hurts the neighborhood’s health but keeps a disease out.
I wish I could afford taking an Uber. But wouldn’t that make me less congruous with my self-image of being a people’s advocate? Crap. Why can’t Cuomo just give the MTA more money so we the people don’t have to suffer through the lack of air-conditioning in car 1492?
Oh, there’s my stop.