Park Slope Teacher In Trouble For Educating Students About Parents’ Vast Santa Claus Conspiracy
A Brooklyn public school teacher is reportedly out of a job after telling a group of Park Slope students that Santa Clause is fake. Parents at PS 321 claim the teacher dropped the truth bomb on their 1st graders this week, who came home shellshocked and “teary-eyed.” For good measure, the unnamed educator also dispelled that propaganda about the Tooth Fairy.
After breaking the Yuletide bombshell, News12 Brooklyn spoke with some Park Slope parents who’d been caught in the lie. “Santa is very much real and alive, in all parents and children who believe,” insisted one mom, who described the incident as “damaging.”
The Daily Mail also got wind of the “unthinkable revelations.” Principal Liz Phillips—whose face is now plastered across the British tabloid—has reportedly told parents that the teacher is a substitute, who will “never return to class.” Sharpen those fireplace pokers, Brooklynites, we’ve got ourselves Grinch hunt!
According to Gothamist co-founder and Park Slope historian Jake Dobkin, the fact that the six-year-olds weren’t already privy to the Santa fantasy is a sad sign of the times. “I feel bad for those kids,” he said. “In my day, they would’ve learned the truth about Santa the right way—from reading several dogmatic essays about the danger of bourgeois holiday consumerism in the Park Slope Food Co-op Linewaiters Gazette.”
Meanwhile, I always just assumed it was the responsibility of young Jewish kids to pierce the veil of their gentile childhood friends, as part of a stern conversation about life’s cruel little let-downs, like the Easter Bunny and Heaven.
For any parent upset about this, we recommend stepping outside next Saturday and finding out what happens when your children never stop believing.
Inquiries to PS 321 and the Department of Education were not immediately returned. Weirdly, Santa Claus declined to comment.